I know you’ve seen the articles. You know like
oh and this one
Take a minute to read those and then come back to me
Now forget everything you just read.
I don’t know where it came from, and I really really wish with all my heart that it would go away, but for some reason right now there is a huge fad/trend with the “my parents are divorced woe is me everything sucks I hate life”. It’s become a teenage fad to constantly complain about your parents divorce and even take it a step further to say that your life would somehow be better if they hadn’t gotten divorced. The second article goes through all the reasons why children of divorced parents are afraid to get married, and I think it’s complete and total crap.
My parents got divorced when I was in 2nd grade and up until then things weren’t real great either. They didn’t get along, fought a lot, and were overall just not happy. So my dad moved out and we went through the friend of the court and ended up with my mom having full custody and my dad having us every other weekend. I would be 100% lying if I said it didn’t suck not getting to see my dad every day. I would be lying if I said the divorce wasn’t extremely hard on both me and my brother. I would be lying if I said I never told my mom I wished they could be back together, when I was 8. However, I am 22 years old and a rational adult who can understand why things happen and why things need to happen. So here’s what I’ve learned from my parents divorce and why it in no way negatively impacts my life right now.
1. We are ALL happier.
I would say 100% of the time, divorces happen because someone isn’t happy. It’s also pretty logical to assume if one person isn’t happy, the other person isn’t happy. If neither parents are happy, they’re probably fighting a lot and then the kids aren’t happy. My parents did what they needed to do in order for my brother and I to have a better life. That meant being apart and not being married anymore. And guess what? My life turned out just fine.
2. Two holidays.
Silver lining? Two birthday parties, two Christmas’, two Easter’s, Two Thanksgivings, TWO OF EVERYTHING! I know some angsty teenagers would argue that they just wish they only had to have one of everything and that their parents could somehow magically get along so everyone could be at their birthday. That’s ridiculous, not logical, and never going to happen. Having two different Christmas’ each year just means I got to develop new traditions with each parent and enjoy one on one time with each of them. It meant twice the love, twice the presents, and the festivities go all day long. Not to mention, I would never force my parents to feel uncomfortable in the same room and in turn make everyone else uncomfortable. It’s not worth it and two parties is the most insane thing in the world to complain about.
3. Bonus Parents.
This isn’t to say that everyone’s step parents are going to be awesome. But for those of us lucky enough to be blessed with an awesome step parent, be thankful. My step dad has been my best friend since the day he walked into my life. He backs me up when my mom is being crazy, always took me to taco bell for dinner, and taught me how to swear in 6th grade. I could never and would never complain about having a second dad to love me.
The second article I mentioned infuriated me for this reason. Separate bank accounts are normal, married people even have them. Just because my parents marriage didn’t work out, doesn’t mean I don’t know what a functional marriage looks like. Just because children of divorced are more likely to also get divorced doesn’t mean I will. Push yourself not to be a statistic. Also, just because my parents got divorced doesn’t mean I won’t take marriage seriously. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. I don’t doubt two people can spend the rest of their lives together… It literally happens all the time… This isn’t baggage, it’s just life.
5. My relationship.
My parent’s relationship or divorce in absolutely no way shape or form affects the relationship I’m in. I’ve learned a lot about how to love a person from my mom and my dad and they didn’t need to be together to teach me that. My dad taught me everything a gentlemen should be by treating me like I deserve to be treated and my mom taught me everything I needed to know about being a lady and how to make sure I get the love I deserve. My relationship is absolutely wonderful because he respects me, cares about me, takes care of me, and loves me the way I deserve to be loved. I also think it takes a whole lot of love for yourself to know when to walk away and when to fight and stay.
I once read a story about a dad who was an alcoholic. He had two sons. One son looked at his dad and thought he would never amount to more than what his dad was and grew up to also be an alcoholic. The other son looked at his dad and knew he could be better and grew up to have no addiction and be a great person.
The same principle applies. I can look at my parents divorce with a negative light and think I will never be better than that and I won’t. Or I can look at their divorce and know that I can do better and make better choices with my life. If I do end up getting divorced down the road, it won’t be my parents fault. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them too, and that’s okay.